My Tadpole Hand-Fishin' Friend

Standing barefooted with grass trimmings like ankle jewelry- the moment seemed infinite.  We would take turns balancing on the slippery stones that created the border between lawn and lake.  There was an art to it- the bending down, cupping of hands, the stillness and waiting.  Finally, an unassuming tadpole would swim into our crude trap.  Swiftly hands ascended and dropped our new pet into a beach bucket.  Each tadpole was rewarded a name and toted around for a while.  Eventually, once we tired of the enterprise, we would return the tadpoles to their original home.

We probably traumatized hundreds of baby frogs in our innocent fun.

When I met you, you were two, and I was almost six.  I ate orange slices on the patio by the pool in your backyard.  You were in some sort of floating swimsuit, and I remember feeling jealous and confused by the accolades lavished upon you for bobbing up and down in the water. At that moment, I did not know that you would redefine my life, but when we moved into adjacent houses on Baneberry Lake 12 months later, I realized I could not get rid of you...

Over twenty years have transpired, and I still miss the 7AM Saturday wake-up calls, "Can Austen come play?"  I miss the phone messages waiting for me when I returned home from school... the little ball of tangled blond hair sitting on my front porch.  I miss tumbling down the hill in your front yard.  I miss playing dress-up with your Gammy's old evening gowns, baking chocolate chip cookie cake with my mom, creating obstacle courses in the unfinished basement.

As your wedding approaches, I ache to return to barefeet, beach buckets, and the oppressive heat of Alabama summers.  We were infinite in those simple moments... I think when my family moved away, time accelerated somehow.  I cried every night for months.  Seeing you during the holidays was not enough.  And now, here we are- in awkwardly taller bodies, married, beginning careers, and paying bills.  I would trade my entire salary for one more tadpole day with you.

A million superficial things have changed, but I still have not gotten rid of you, and I don't ever intend to.  I am pretty sure grass stains left permanent tattoos upon my heart, and so did you.  As your wedding day approaches, and another season of change commences, know that I am not budging.  I will be by your side as you commit yourself to your husband-to-be, and I will be there for all of the strange and scary discoveries that marriage provokes.

We serve a loving God... I have questioned his motives and goodness many times, but when I look at you, my tadpole hand-fishin' friend, I have no doubt that somehow in this pain-filled world, He is still present.  Your husband-to-be will become many things to you, but the role of tadpole hand-fishin' friend is proudly taken.