Ten thousand little reminders to be in awe of my daddy- lightening bugs, sunsets, dandelions, cricket symphonies, my very breath sometimes... and yet, I feel like there is not enough praise inside of me.
I lay in awe... in wonder... in fear because no one has ever loved me like this.
By this, we know love- that He would lay down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters-1 John 3:16
I met Titanna two years ago. In a season of brokenness, I recognized my need for something 'new.' A professor as well as a roommate recommended that I volunteer with Church Hill Activities and Tutoring (CHAT). One Tuesday afternoon, in order to appease their requests, I submitted to their subtle wisdom.
As I sat on the back porch of the 'Light House' next to my new acquaintance, Christ began threading Titanna's life into mine. As I pushed her to converse with me, to read with me, to accept me... I hit a wall. The brick wall I faced resonated in my own heart, and while I had formerly disguised the partition with Kudzu vines of excuses, Titanna took a weed whacker to my every pretense.
Before meeting Anna, I had given up on my ability to maintain long-term friendships/relationships. I allowed feelings of rejection to overpower the truth of the Gospel in my heart. I became a marionette within my relationships, playing the part of who I thought I was "supposed" to be. Completely terrified of disappointing the people I cared about, I hid behind multiple facades.
The truth is- even as myself I will always fall short, but the grace of God is sufficient for me, and in Him, there is freedom to love (and to be loved) without fear or veneer...
yet without true knowledge of that grace, the failure of my facade in one relationship resulted in resignation to my insufficiency in every friendship. I had given up.
As I sat on the porch with Anna, desperately seeking the grounds for her approval, something inside of me began to break. Even an Oscar-worthy performance could not move her to affirm me. All too familiar with the pain caused by false promises, Titanna rejected every pretense.
I left CHAT feeling confused and more defeated.
Yet, humbled by my inability to perform, the Spirit within me commenced a battle that day. Every week, God found creative ways to motivate me to return to CHAT...to return to Anna. With each week, Christ removed bricks and created a place where Titanna and I could truly meet- in the presence of His grace.
Today, as I sat with Anna and two friends at Chick-Fil-A, I realized how at home it felt. So much has changed over the past two years, yet I feel as if I've simply become more of myself. Titanna has inspired me to discover the person that God made me to be... Her demand for the sincerity and constancy of Christ, convicted me to re-define myself within His attributes.
To me, Anna's friendship is one of my favorite, most incomprehensible miracles
"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession."-James 1:17
